Someone I know posted this on Facebook:
Thought about this for a while:
1. My husband and I started very high but were soon down to very low on the x-axis. The first year was tough. Many reasons for that; for me, the main reason was that we come from somewhat different back grounds but even with my 'exposure and open minded upbringing', I had assumed that all families are alike in what is appreciated and admired. Many things were a shock to me. So that was funny! Not funny then !!
2. We then had many years of very high on the scale before the kids came (the first one came in year seven). I think as far as 'fun' is concerned, we have certainly not gone back to that amount of fun. Also as far as satisfaction with personal achievement is concerned, I have not gone back to the high before the kids.
3. I think that if we did not have kids, I would not have been happy right now - as a 36 year old. We may have been having as much fun as before and I would most likely have achieved more at work, but I think that not being a mother would have made me sad. It seems like a cop out answer, but I think it is a trick question anyway. Having the kids has put a definite stress on the marriage and my career has taken a back seat BUT not having them, would have been sadder and might have put a worse strain on the marriage and maybe my career too.
4. Having children and raising them seems more meaningful than having fun (the effects are longer? that is how I am supposed to think?) - I do not feel a huge responsibility towards the world but I do think that two normal adults would be a fantastic addition to it.
5. Finally, to me, marriage is not a steady state condition - it is an evolving growing organism. If it remains the same, it stagnates and dies - I think children, relatives, friends, jobs etc., all provide necessary stimulation, so that it does not die. I certainly miss having the time to spend on myself that I used to and that does change my self-esteem and self-worth. I think in general, I feel that I used to be ‘cooler’ before the kids and more interesting (and more interested too, now I am so sleepy most of the time!). I think, since the younger one is two, we are just coming out of the new baby phase - so feeling tired and stretched to the limits and having no time all comes with the territory. We recently had two awesome weekends - what I used to call normal - we went skiing one day and then went rock climbing (just to a gym) the next day - and that felt great to me - and at that point I was having more fun and was more happy than I would have been if we had been doing the same things but without the kids. So that sums it up I think. I enjoy the baby stuff and the mommy stuff for sure, but now when I am doing something that I used to do before the kids, I have more fun doing it.
Thought about this for a while:
1. My husband and I started very high but were soon down to very low on the x-axis. The first year was tough. Many reasons for that; for me, the main reason was that we come from somewhat different back grounds but even with my 'exposure and open minded upbringing', I had assumed that all families are alike in what is appreciated and admired. Many things were a shock to me. So that was funny! Not funny then !!
2. We then had many years of very high on the scale before the kids came (the first one came in year seven). I think as far as 'fun' is concerned, we have certainly not gone back to that amount of fun. Also as far as satisfaction with personal achievement is concerned, I have not gone back to the high before the kids.
3. I think that if we did not have kids, I would not have been happy right now - as a 36 year old. We may have been having as much fun as before and I would most likely have achieved more at work, but I think that not being a mother would have made me sad. It seems like a cop out answer, but I think it is a trick question anyway. Having the kids has put a definite stress on the marriage and my career has taken a back seat BUT not having them, would have been sadder and might have put a worse strain on the marriage and maybe my career too.
4. Having children and raising them seems more meaningful than having fun (the effects are longer? that is how I am supposed to think?) - I do not feel a huge responsibility towards the world but I do think that two normal adults would be a fantastic addition to it.
5. Finally, to me, marriage is not a steady state condition - it is an evolving growing organism. If it remains the same, it stagnates and dies - I think children, relatives, friends, jobs etc., all provide necessary stimulation, so that it does not die. I certainly miss having the time to spend on myself that I used to and that does change my self-esteem and self-worth. I think in general, I feel that I used to be ‘cooler’ before the kids and more interesting (and more interested too, now I am so sleepy most of the time!). I think, since the younger one is two, we are just coming out of the new baby phase - so feeling tired and stretched to the limits and having no time all comes with the territory. We recently had two awesome weekends - what I used to call normal - we went skiing one day and then went rock climbing (just to a gym) the next day - and that felt great to me - and at that point I was having more fun and was more happy than I would have been if we had been doing the same things but without the kids. So that sums it up I think. I enjoy the baby stuff and the mommy stuff for sure, but now when I am doing something that I used to do before the kids, I have more fun doing it.
