Getting the rust off

Fatigue is a state of mind. I get the kids ready for bed, feeling that I am ready to drop down dead. They go to sleep; I get a surge of energy. I am here.
History books give me a sense of peace. The world has always been crazy, always on the verge of catastrophe. The times I live in are turbulent - but it has always been that way. My first twenty years or so I was either too young or too self-absorbed to realize what was going on. Listening to my parents' and my grandparents' stories of their childhoods which seemed perfect and imagining my childhood world to be at peace - the world in fact was and always had been perfect.
It went crazy in my twenties. No. I had just grown up and noticed the mess.
I would like to live a life of consequence. Would like to make a difference somewhere. It rushes you though - life does. You start working, get married, have a couple of kids and wham - half of it is gone. Not complaining. Just expressing my wonder at it all.
Well this feels good. Writing makes me grounded and intensifies each moment. They don't rush by but are felt one after another, separately. Its a good feeling. I hope to continue writing here.

1 comment:

Afshan said...

I know the feeling! Always wanted to make a big difference somewhere in this big messed up least in my big messed up country...slowly realising that a big contribution (though it might not seem so at the time) would be to raise two non-violent kids who have a balanced approach towards everything including religion, ethnicity and all those pinching issues cracking up the place where I spent my perfect childhood. Love the blog saba...looking forward to reading all of it soon :)