How does the Hierarchy go?

This is a bit tongue-in-cheek but truthfully written :)

How does the family hierarchy go?

1. The male patriarch is top dog. This can be the father, the grand father, the older uncle, the older brother. Whoever of these is handy. True that mothers, grandmothers etc. can also be important and make a lot of noise but their power is NOTHING if the male patriarch shows his disapproval/preference for something.
2. After the male patriarch come other male members who have shown promise in asserting themselves: sons, sons-in-law, uncles etc.

3. After this comes the male patriarch's mom, if alive. If not then his wife. You would think that she would rank higher than her own sons but you would be mistaken. She might SEEM to rank higher and it can be confusing at times but trust me on this.
4. Then come the other female members of the household: daughters, aunts, daughters-in-law etc.
5. Then the children.
6. And finally the help.

Some people may take issue that I have placed the children so low in the hierarchy when we PRIDE ourselves in loving our children. We do make a big deal about loving our children but truly, a typical 'loving' interaction with a child goes something like this:

                Adult: I like your baby sister. Can I take her home?

                Child: No!

                Adult: I will take her home with me.

                Child: Noooo. Ammmmmmeeee,
                             Aunty will take Zarah with her.

                Adult and Amme laugh. Not particularly loving!

Or something like this:

               Adult: What a cute child. Give me a hug.

              Child does not want to give a hug.

              Adult completely ignores this
              and embraces the child in a scary bear hug. Child screams.

              Adult and the child's parents laugh.

Or this:

            Adult playing with infant and telling the infant's mom:
            I have a fever and was feeling miserable but I still came
            to see your child. (and give it whatever germs I have!)

Why are Women Treated Badly in my Part of the World

A friend was wondering why I thought women were not treated well in my part of the world.

I am assuming the question was why the ill treatment of women and not whether I think that women are treated badly. There is no question that they are.

First of all I do not think anyone is treated particularly well. Anyone who can be oppressed is: servants, employees, children, old people, poor people, sick people, disabled people, wives, sons, daughters, daughters-in-law, … a sad never ending list.

Why the rampant oppression? Or perhaps, the more revealing question is, who IS treated well? 

In a family, it is actually very simple:

Anyone higher in the family hierarchy, you treat well. Anyone lower you can treat as you see fit. (http://saba-anvery.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-hierarchy-go.html).

Why? There are the usual suspects: we come from a tribal culture, there are economic factors, our culture does not like individualism etc. These are all valid reasons. They just make up for a very complex problem. 

Families living in cities with no tribal associations continue to honor the family hierarchy very strictly - for the age old reason that this is what we have always done and there is no immediate advantage in changing. In addition, we are obsessed with what other people think about us and so change is that much harder.

The awful problem with the hierarchy is that people are trained from the very beginning that the worth of a person comes from where he fits in. There is no inherent worth in a human being. It is something that I keep working on myself to fix in myself. It is difficult for me to instinctively think that the help is as worthy of respect as my father is. If I treat the help well, I feel very good about myself but if I give respect to my father I feel as if I am doing my duty. Both feelings are wrong.