Latest Read: No God but God by Reza Aslan

I am so glad Reza Aslan gave that hilarious interview to Fox News on that wonderful wonderful day. I did not know of him till then.

I have thoroughly enjoyed No God but God. Learned many new things and unlearned many more. In the beginning of the book, Reza describes pre-Islamic Mecca; how it was an economic hub dependent on the annual pilgrimage with powerful families jealously maintaining the status quo. Reza is unusually adept at painting vivid pictures of times and places. Just like he did to Jerusalem in Zealot, here he has made pre-Islamic Mecca a real place for me.

The book narrates the history of Islam. Having read a sanitized and glorified version of this history in school this book is very refreshing. The squabbles between the companions right after the death of the prophet and the thinly veiled hunger for power make those giants of Islam seem very human. Reza describes the Muslim dynasties and their rise and fall. He explains the various interpretations of Islam. I especially liked the chapter on Sufism.

I LOVED his treatment of the clerics. Here is a paragraph:

Throughout Islamic history, as Muslim dynasties tumbled over one another, Muslim Kings were crowned and dethroned, and Islamic parliaments elected and dissolved, only the Ulama, in their capacity as the link to the traditions of the past, have managed to retain their self-imposed role as the leaders of Muslim society. As a result, over the past fourteen centuries, Islam as we know it has been almost exclusively defined by an extremely small, rigid, and often profoundly traditionalist group of men who, for better or worse, consider themselves to be the unyielding pillars upon which the religious, social, and political foundations of the religion rest. How they gained this authority, and what they have done with it, is perhaps the most important chapter in the story of Islam.

It is an optimistic book. Reza acknowledges that Muslims are going through a dark period but he expects this diversity of views and this stirring up of the Muslim thought-pot to bring tolerance and a wiser outlook .

Remembering

At about this time every year, for the past many years, I have bought the latest anthology of American short stories. In the past, I would greedily and carefully read it and then put it in my suitcase.

Papa loved short stories. He had many short story collections in the house  - from Tolstoy to Asimov. He taught me how difficult they are to write and how beautiful they are sometimes. 

Papa and I would discuss some of the American stories after he read them. Some he thought were just plain silly. Some we would discuss at length. He appreciated honesty in writers and writing free of gimmicks. 

I got my copy of this year’s anthology yesterday. I feel sad reading it. This year I will put it on the bookshelf.

How does the Hierarchy go?

This is a bit tongue-in-cheek but truthfully written :)

How does the family hierarchy go?

1. The male patriarch is top dog. This can be the father, the grand father, the older uncle, the older brother. Whoever of these is handy. True that mothers, grandmothers etc. can also be important and make a lot of noise but their power is NOTHING if the male patriarch shows his disapproval/preference for something.
2. After the male patriarch come other male members who have shown promise in asserting themselves: sons, sons-in-law, uncles etc.

3. After this comes the male patriarch's mom, if alive. If not then his wife. You would think that she would rank higher than her own sons but you would be mistaken. She might SEEM to rank higher and it can be confusing at times but trust me on this.
4. Then come the other female members of the household: daughters, aunts, daughters-in-law etc.
5. Then the children.
6. And finally the help.

Some people may take issue that I have placed the children so low in the hierarchy when we PRIDE ourselves in loving our children. We do make a big deal about loving our children but truly, a typical 'loving' interaction with a child goes something like this:

                Adult: I like your baby sister. Can I take her home?

                Child: No!

                Adult: I will take her home with me.

                Child: Noooo. Ammmmmmeeee,
                             Aunty will take Zarah with her.

                Adult and Amme laugh. Not particularly loving!

Or something like this:

               Adult: What a cute child. Give me a hug.

              Child does not want to give a hug.

              Adult completely ignores this
              and embraces the child in a scary bear hug. Child screams.

              Adult and the child's parents laugh.

Or this:

            Adult playing with infant and telling the infant's mom:
            I have a fever and was feeling miserable but I still came
            to see your child. (and give it whatever germs I have!)

Why are Women Treated Badly in my Part of the World

A friend was wondering why I thought women were not treated well in my part of the world.

I am assuming the question was why the ill treatment of women and not whether I think that women are treated badly. There is no question that they are.

First of all I do not think anyone is treated particularly well. Anyone who can be oppressed is: servants, employees, children, old people, poor people, sick people, disabled people, wives, sons, daughters, daughters-in-law, … a sad never ending list.

Why the rampant oppression? Or perhaps, the more revealing question is, who IS treated well? 

In a family, it is actually very simple:

Anyone higher in the family hierarchy, you treat well. Anyone lower you can treat as you see fit. (http://saba-anvery.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-hierarchy-go.html).

Why? There are the usual suspects: we come from a tribal culture, there are economic factors, our culture does not like individualism etc. These are all valid reasons. They just make up for a very complex problem. 

Families living in cities with no tribal associations continue to honor the family hierarchy very strictly - for the age old reason that this is what we have always done and there is no immediate advantage in changing. In addition, we are obsessed with what other people think about us and so change is that much harder.

The awful problem with the hierarchy is that people are trained from the very beginning that the worth of a person comes from where he fits in. There is no inherent worth in a human being. It is something that I keep working on myself to fix in myself. It is difficult for me to instinctively think that the help is as worthy of respect as my father is. If I treat the help well, I feel very good about myself but if I give respect to my father I feel as if I am doing my duty. Both feelings are wrong.

Latest Read: Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth by Reza Aslan

Got to know of Reza Aslan through his Fox News interview. If you want to watch it, it is at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5f7fRtnasg

Hilarious isn't it? I am not being sarcastic. I do not expect much from Fox News, but the way Reza Aslan keeps his calm reminds me of a Kindergarten teacher.

I bought the book and enjoyed it very much; learnt quite a bit. For example, I was very surprised to learn about Jesus’s brother’s teachings and that he had been opposed to Paul’s teachings.

When great prophets are written about in this way – when they are humanized rather than deified – they are more appealing. I wonder though, if a prophet came now, would I want to believe that he performs miracles or would I be content to know that he preaches sanity?

The more I read the more I find out that I must learn more. I think I knew the most after high school; since then it has just been a steady realization of my ignorance. 

Latest Read: How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia by Mohsin Hamid

No. I did not like it. It seemed a bit forced with the self help theme. Another reviewer used the term gimmicky and I think he got it right. The book IS very gimmicky. 
It follows the unnamed protagonist from a poverty stricken childhood to extreme riches. It is a good story but so badly done - If you like Mohsin Hamid, I do not recommend it.

Latest Read: The Blind Man's Garden by Nadeem Aslam

Before you read this know that I LOVE Nadeem Aslam. Absolutely LOVE him. My nephew thinks that he uses too many metaphors; I think he uses just enough :)

This book is set in Pakistan, in the fictional town of Heer in the Punjab. It spills over into Afghanistan when two boys from the family in Heer go to Afghanistan to join in the jihad. 

I love Nadeem Aslam because he writes the truth. Everything that happens to the two boys and the family is because of greed, revenge or lust - wrapping it up in the holy name of jihad and religion is something that people from my part of the world excel at. And this is what Aslam writes about.

Latest Read: The End of India by Khushwant Singh

This gives me some answers to my question, 'Why the partition?'  
After I began to doubt all the Zia-era-education I received, (in which the partition is THE only thing taught in history AND Pakistan Studies AND takes the place of geography and civics),  I have often wondered why was there ever a partition. India is secular, albeit with problems, but nevertheless secularism seems to be the goal, and the government grants sufficient autonomy to the provinces.
This book gives a good perspective. To be clear, it is neither written about the partition nor the reasons leading up to it, but Singh mentions that the fundamentalist elements in the Congress at that time were barely held at bay by Nehru.

Well!!
Well well!!

Mind boggling isn't it?

As far as a review of the book - It is written by one of the most respected and intellectual authors of the Sub-Continent. If you enjoy reading political books and are not afraid to be scared it is well worth a read.

Latest Read: The White Tiger by Aravind Adiga

Could not put it down. Written in the first person (in the form of letters to the president of China!) it is about a poor village boy who grows up to be a rich entrepreneur in Bangalore. Yawn...you say. The devil is in the details my friend. This is not a feel good story - it is a brutal portrayal of the divide between the rich and the poor. It brings home the old truth that the poor are expendable and meekly accept that fate; unless - unless they are the white tiger. Its amorality hits you hard in the stomach. Awesome awesome book.

Latest Read: The Pakistani Bride by Bapsi Sidhwa

A fast paced story that follows a Kohistani boy into manhood as he gains and loses a family, witnesses the Partition and adopts a little girl. I particularly liked the way Sidhwa has described the change in the mindsets of the newly formed country.
I had been excited to read this but when I did, I realised that I was too late. This came out in the 1980s and I am certain that at that time it was much talked about. Since then, however, this genre of Desi English books has evolved quite a bit.  Some books are timeless and will always be great. This is not one of them. I feel a little sad writing about it this way because it IS a very good story, compellingly written and the problems and issues it brings up are the same now as they were when Sidhwa wrote about them. I am not not recommending it, but that is about all I can honestly say.

Latest Read: The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge

I should call this the latest reread. I read this wonderful book many many years ago. It is a story about a girl who comes to live with her uncle in the country and discovers her family's unfortunate history. It is full of hope and there is magic and the power of goodness and patience. It is set in nineteenth century England, a time for which I have a soft spot because Agatha Christie, C. S. Lewis and Jane Austen are old friends of mine.  I had originally bought it to read to my daughter but I will wait till she is a little older. If you have a little girl in your life, who is in her tweens, this book will make a wonderful present.

What children do

Someone I know posted this on Facebook:

Thought about this for a while:
1. My husband and I started very high but were soon down to very low on the x-axis. The first year was tough. Many reasons for that; for me, the main reason was that we come from somewhat different back grounds but even with my 'exposure and open minded upbringing', I had assumed that all families are alike in what is appreciated and admired. Many things were a shock to me. So that was funny! Not funny then !!
2. We then had many years of very high on the scale before the kids came (the first one came in year seven). I think as far as 'fun' is concerned, we have certainly not gone back to that amount of fun. Also as far as satisfaction with personal achievement is concerned, I have not gone back to the high before the kids.
3. I think that if we did not have kids, I would not have been happy right now - as a 36 year old. We may have been having as much fun as before and I would most likely have achieved more at work, but I think that not being a mother would have made me sad. It seems like a cop out answer, but I think it is a trick question anyway. Having the kids has put a definite stress on the marriage and my career has taken a back seat BUT not having them, would have been sadder and might have put a worse strain on the marriage and maybe my career too.
4. Having children and raising them seems more meaningful than having fun (the effects are longer? that is how I am supposed to think?) - I do not feel a huge responsibility towards the world but I do think that two normal adults would be a fantastic addition to it.
5. Finally, to me, marriage is not a steady state condition - it is an evolving growing organism. If it remains the same, it stagnates and dies - I think children, relatives, friends, jobs etc., all provide necessary stimulation, so that it does not die. I certainly miss having the time to spend on myself that I used to and that does change my self-esteem and self-worth. I think in general, I feel that I used to be ‘cooler’ before the kids and more interesting (and more interested too, now I am so sleepy most of the time!). I think, since the younger one is two, we are just coming out of the new baby phase - so feeling tired and stretched to the limits and having no time all comes with the territory. We recently had two awesome weekends - what I used to call normal - we went skiing one day and then went rock climbing (just to a gym) the next day - and that felt great to me - and at that point I was having more fun and was more happy than I would have been if we had been doing the same things but without the kids. So that sums it up I think. I enjoy the baby stuff and the mommy stuff for sure, but now when I am doing something that I used to do before the kids, I have more fun doing it.

Latest Read: The Bookseller of Kabul by Åsne Seierstad

 I enjoyed reading it and would recommend it. It may offend some people from my part of the world but I think it is written truthfully. It shows how complicated people are.
This is what I think about women’s rights in my part of the world: Generally women (or anyone for that matter, but I am talking about women for now) are not treated well. If someone can be trodden upon, they are. That is not true for everyone of course. I used to get very defensive when I first came to the US and people were surprised that I was a very well educated girl from Pakistan. However, I have changed my opinion about this. I feel that how a girl is treated in my part of the world is totally dependent on her family. If her family happens to be open-minded then she is treated well and her personal ambitions are taken into account. If they are not, well, too bad. She does not have any real legal recourse. If her husband is a good man, all is well. If he is not, even in good families she is told to bear it. The system is not with her in any meaningful way. And that I think is what people mean when they say that women are not treated well. They are not. I agree.

Latest Read: The Wandering Falcon by Jamil Ahmed.

I want to gauge my eyes out and punch the walls till I break my knuckles. I want to scream so that everyone can hear me. And then I want to curl up on a hard floor and weep. Bravo Mr. Ahmed, for writing so beautifully and honestly!

 It’s not that I didn’t know. Everyone knows. But where are the prideful traditions that I was told marked the strong people of FATA? I cannot take pride in any of this. Resilience maybe, but other than that, it is all about oppression and stubbornness and cruelty. There is no beauty here. Who bloody cares if this is what they have been doing for centuries – that argument became moot fourteen hundred years ago in Arabia.

A must read people. This one is a must read. It’s a beautiful beautiful book about things that are old and ugly.

A world in another in another

If someone could tell an ovum that one day it would stop being an egg and be joined with another and become something else, what would it think about it? And then it does happen and the egg thinks it is dying but it passes through that death like stage and is greater than just an egg.
Then, if someone told that baby in the womb that his placenta and his cord are not him, and one day he will leave his world and go into another, what would the baby make of it? He becomes bigger and as he does, he finds his world not as comfortable as it used to be. He cannot swim freely or do somersaults anymore. And then comes death and he discovers he can eat and breathe and there is a wondrous world around him. And it is because he passed through that death like stage that he is there.
And someone tells the now grown man that one day he will leave this world and go into another and that his body is not him. What would he think of that?
The old man is not comfortable in this world anymore. His body aches; he cannot run and jump as he used to be able to do. And he dies and leaves his body in this world.
Do you only die and go into the other world if you listen to the obscure fantastic voices telling you that this body is not you? Or do you die and go into the other world when you have developed all you could in this one? Does believing in the next world help in adjusting in that world? The egg becomes the baby becomes the baby in his mother’s arms becomes the grown man. Did the egg become the grown man because it believed it would? Did the eggs and babies that don’t make it did not because they didn’t believe?
This grown one is thinking about this. Still thinking.

Latest read: The Good Muslim by Tahmina Anam.

Tahmina writes about a woman and her family learning to live in post Pakistan Bangladesh. Good book. Made me think about why someone intelligent would move towards 'fundamentalist' Islam.  (I am using the popular meaning of the word and use it to refer to the beard bearing, strict segregation wanting, miswak wielding fellow we all have often met). The woman is angry at her brother for turning towards fundamentalism and feels betrayed. She is unhappy that the Bangladeshi people do not realize how hard fought their freedom was. She tries to rescue her nephew but that ends in tragedy. And of course, the atrocities done by the Pakistan army are a back drop to the novel. The book ends with hope though and I liked that and more importantly, it ends with the acceptance of what happened.

Closure?

Too fast! I remember being in 4th grade for an eternity. Finally 5th grade came and that continued forever. I remember my first school not too fondly and was surprised to later find out that I was there for just a few months. Even in college, time was friendlier. I wonder why I feel it go so fast. And I often wonder if my children perceive their time as I did my childhood time even though we begin and end our days together.

I went to see some paintings by an amateur artist. He is mad. But wonderfully so. He creates multiple paintings every day. He is good, and as I leafed through his collection, I thought getting better. He said that he could remember each day of last year.

Is it because I used to create things every day that I seem to remember each day from childhood? I keep a diary at times and when I write regularly time slows down.

And then the duality of feelings! Thursday was chemo day for Papa and he would get steroids that made him feel better for a couple of days. When I called him, I felt that Thursday would never come. It would always be so far away. But at the same time, here at home, the weeks were flying by but still Thursday would not come.

December I remember. Like a childhood poem, I can recite it. The 1^st was when I decided to stay. The 2^nd was when I accepted I knew. The 3^rd was poetry day. The 4^th was when Papa was home. The 5^th was a good day. So was the 6^th. The 7^th was not. And so on.

Papa used to be amused by death scenes in movies. He said no one makes speeches, they just die. Papa went peacefully. He was there and then not there. Some people have very peaceful births, they are not here and then they are born. There is no struggle and no fear. I felt the same way about Papa’s passing.