Too fast! I remember being in 4th grade for an eternity. Finally 5th grade came and that continued forever. I remember my first school not too fondly and was surprised to later find out that I was there for just a few months. Even in college, time was friendlier. I wonder why I feel it go so fast. And I often wonder if my children perceive their time as I did my childhood time even though we begin and end our days together.

I went to see some paintings by an amateur artist. He is mad. But wonderfully so. He creates multiple paintings every day. He is good, and as I leafed through his collection, I thought getting better. He said that he could remember each day of last year.

Is it because I used to create things every day that I seem to remember each day from childhood? I keep a diary at times and when I write regularly time slows down.

And then the duality of feelings! Thursday was chemo day for Papa and he would get steroids that made him feel better for a couple of days. When I called him, I felt that Thursday would never come. It would always be so far away. But at the same time, here at home, the weeks were flying by but still Thursday would not come.

December I remember. Like a childhood poem, I can recite it. The 1st was when I decided to stay. The 2nd was when I accepted I knew. The 3rd was poetry day. The 4th was when Papa was home. The 5th was a good day. So was the 6th. The 7th was not. And so on.

Papa used to be amused by death scenes in movies. He said no one makes speeches, they just die. Papa went peacefully. He was there and then not there. Some people have very peaceful births, they are not here and then they are born. There is no struggle and no fear. I felt the same way about Papa’s passing.

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